Whether you’re fully prepared for your monthly fill of Paranoize drum and bass, or just want a spontaneous night out to drink some gin and listen to some house music, Undertone is there every weekend. Known as Cardiff’s number one basement venue, you’ll find yourself here for either live music, DJ sets or specialised events. If you’re dedicated to this scene, you might want to see if you recognise any of these surefire guarantees for a night out.

You won’t be able to see a bloody thing

Undertone is dark, and aside from a few moody side lights, there isn’t much. You may think you don’t remember much in the morning but the truth is, it was too dark for you to know anyway. At least nobody can see the makeup sweating off your face or your shirt practically dripping off your back.

You’ll befriend randoms

…And, before you know it, you’ll be harassing the bar staff to use your Snapchat to take a photo of all you together. Prepare for a romantic embrace and brief goodbye to your new best mates who you’ll plan to meet up with but never see again. 

You’ll be offered drugs

Being an underground venue, those dark corners of the room have their secrets. Being approached by a pale girl in the toilet queue asking if you’re selling anything will be common but has its perks, as you get to see some absolute messes in a euphoric dancefloor of their own. 

You’ll drink the most hangover-inducing booze possible

All you wanted was a single vodka lemonade but suddenly your friend points out that Jose Cuervo tequila and you must have shots. Before you know it, you’ve got four shots of tequila and Sambuca, three double gin and lychees and four jaeger bombs. You can almost hear your card crying as you put your PIN number in.

You’ll become a nightmare in the cloakroom

A cloakroom for £1 in a sweaty venue? Seems like a bargain! Unfortunately, you’re too drunk to manage this without being a pain in the arse. You’ll lose your ticket number without taking a photo of it, end up trying to describe your coat to some poor member of staff purely because you left your tobacco in your pocket, and have that five minute episode where you swear you’ve had your coat nicked as you forgot you put it behind the bar in the first place.

You’ll chug water like there’s no tomorrow

Pre drinks were all about getting drunk but now your mouth is so dry it’s getting unbearable. Water is free, but you’ll spend £2.50 on a bottle because it’ll look cooler should the club photographer come around. Say hello to endless refills and basically emptying the whole jug into your bottle before curfew hits and the bar closes. You entered the venue looking pristine and leave as if you’ve just done a 10k run.

That 4 for £10 deal will find you

Coming to the drunken conclusion that you’ll be financially better off if you buy all four beers or ciders at the same time then realising that you’ve got no way of carrying them all whilst you dance. You’ll find a shelf to balance them all on and protect them as if they were your own brood.

You’ll hit that 4 am curfew

Trust me, you won’t even realise that any time has gone before you realise that the room lights have been on for at least a minute. Looking at how sweaty everyone only fills you with dread at how bad you look. You’ll probably try and bargain with the bar staff for one more drink and even try and initiate a chat with the bouncers who just want you to leave so they can go home.

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Written by Hannah Newberry, 9 months ago
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