“The importance of being on the firing line of feeling”
Apparently, distance makes the heart grow fonder but what if it just makes you forget?
Upon moving away from home and into the big scary world of uni, I thought I was pretty comfortable in my two-year relationship. We’d had the late night chats, come up with long distance schedules and vowed to defy the odds and make it to the other side. We were naïve, love-struck, teenagers with hearts too big for our chests.
During freshers week, I was on my best behaviour. I wasn’t a cheater, I loved my boyfriend and I was so overwhelmed with the start of uni life that the thought of even entertaining another guy made me tired. There were so many new people, new places, and everything was new and exciting. Slowly, everything became so overwhelming that I slowly lost touch with the apparent love of my life. I‘ll phone you when I get home became too late to call and sorry I just bumped into someone from class happened every day.
Slowly but surely we felt ourselves drift a part. I knew there was an issue when I set an alarm on my phone to remind me to call my boyfriend. He wasn’t in uni, he wasn’t happy, and we began to argue about petty things. He hated that I never had any free time and how everything had changed for me whereas, for him, everything in life had remained the very same and I was the only thing that had changed. He hated that and, as a result, I felt like he wasn’t supporting me choosing to follow by dreams by going to uni.
The more we fought the harder I tried and the harder I tried, the more it hurt when he said it wasn’t enough. Eventually, life took its toll and we drifted apart. A trial separation became a permanent one once I realised I was more occupied with my ever changing schedule than keeping the relationship going. It was sad yet realistic; we were just two different people in different stages of our life.
I wondered if it was just me. Was it just me who couldn’t handle the pressure and long distance? I asked my friends, I asked anyone who was in a similar situation, and most of them agreed with me expressing how “It’s hard, especially if they aren’t in uni too, they don’t understand how swept up you seem to get”.
“ The more we fought the harder I tried and the harder I tried, the more it hurt when he said it wasn't enough ”
I felt like my relationship was pretty solid, that it could withstand anything and I was with the future father of my children. However, if going to uni taught me anything, it taught me that I didn’t know myself.
I hadn’t grown up and I didn’t know what I wanted in life. I began discovering myself in a whole new way which made me realise so much more about what I wanted and needed from a relationship.
So maybe it’s not the distance that caused then end, maybe most long distance relationships in uni don’t stand the test of time because eventually, we all grow up. We outgrow some people and we discover ourselves and that’s perfectly normal! It’s natural and something we should embrace.
I’m definitely not the same person I was before I started uni, so why would I ever expect to be in the exact same relationship? I simply grew up, and that’s never a bad thing.
Written by Jordan Taylor, 9 months ago
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