“Gents, Delete Tinder and Talk to Girls in the Real World ”
You’ve realised you’re living next to or opposite a fittie, congratulations. If your situation is similar to mine was, then what started as bumping into each other in the doorway a few times for some “flanter”, lead to some rogue snogging on a night out, which lead to a date.
Let me try and paint a slightly cynical but tragically real picture of the expectation vs reality situation I had whilst sleeping with another Cathays local.
Expectation – Ooh someone to get a bit excited about seeing day to day.
Reality – You’ll no longer feel comfortable walking to Sainsbury’s like this:
Expectation - A casual arrangement which basically guarantees a great shag at the end of the night without having to do the walk of shame looking like this
Reality – You’ll have drunken, shit sex where something embarrassing will likely happen because that’s the way the world seems to work. Oh no, the guy from fucking Sydney who I slept with in Cambodia who I will never see again will give me four orgasms and make me feel like Cheryl Cole in bed but my neighbour, who I may see every day, will be awake when I accidently fart.
Be prepared, every time you walk out the door you’ll grasp the handle, take a deep breath, and pray they aren’t walking out at the same time.
Expectation – They live in a house with four other fit, fun and single people and your house and theirs will conjoin and run off into the sunset together. You also hope that one of your house will fancy their housemates so that you have a buddy to come with you for any late night calls or post night out drinks.
Reality – The rest of the house are weirdos, none of you get on and your friends have absolutely no interest in having anything to do with them. Or, your house wants to be friends with them and theirs don’t want to know.
Expectation – You’ve got someone to booty call even when you’re lying in bed. They’ll reply almost instantly and invite you over for some late night delight.
Reality – You’ll text them, they won’t reply and then you’ll bump into them the next day with you both knowing full well that there’s been a case of *I ignored you and now you’re in front of me* face.
Expectation – This is going to be the start of a beautiful relationship.
Reality – You see them kissing other people in the club on the regular and you get a high five or introduced as the neighbour they shag. The shame. I’ll admit it, I fancied the pants off my neighbour and did once cry about it into cheesy chips after I saw him getting into a cab with someone else.
My advice? Go for it but be prepared for handling it afterwards, especially if you’re someone who is as unlucky in life as I am. It’s pretty funny, either way.
Written by Emily-Jo Thomas, 8 months ago