When Tinder first got popular, I was drawn like a moth to a flame. Like pretty much all of my single mates (and even some who weren’t single. Oops – I went there).

It was exciting, not too serious, and pretty revolutionary. Suddenly online dating had morphed from the slightly sad world of Plenty of Fish, into something that wasn’t just socially acceptable for young people but almost compulsory.

But a few years down the line, I’ve definitely fallen out of love with Tinder. 

I know I’m not the only one.

The Vain Game

Due to its very nature, the first thing you see of potential ‘flames’ is their photo. Their filtered, picture-perfect, gap-yah-highlight photos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m drawn to good looks as much as anybody. That’s the problem.

I’ve been involved with people who aren’t immediately attractive. People I might well have swiped left to.

It’s their personalities, their energy, their interests and views that made them more attractive.

On Tinder, you can’t help but make snap decisions based on looks. We’re encouraged to seek exchanges based on shallow judgements. That’s pretty lame.

Ego Feed

I’m happily single. I straight up love myself and I’m too busy for a boyfriend. However, I find that Tinder pervasively creeps back into my life at moments when I’m feeling a bit… off colour.

Say I’ve smashed it all weekend and my endorphins are crawling along the floor on a miserable Sunday afternoon, or I’ve seen a particularly happy couple in a movie or a coffee shop and I’m momentarily contemplating my loveless life, those are the moments that I actually want to use Tinder.

It’s not like I suddenly want a man. I guess what I crave is someone to tell me I’m pretty and give me attention for a day. That’s not healthy, is it?     

“ On Tinder, you can’t help but make snap decisions based on looks. We’re encouraged to seek exchanges based on shallow judgements. That’s pretty lame. ”

Honesty is an Absent Policy

I know being British definitely comes into this. We never really say what we think or wear our heart on our sleeves.

My opinion? This makes Tinder absolutely impossible because no one has any idea what anyone else’s intention is.

The dude might be two weeks out of a relationship and on the rebound. He might never have had a girlfriend and be desperate to wifey someone up. Or, as is often the case, he might be the biggest slag in the city and simply want a night or two of fun.

But ya know what? They sure as hell aren’t going to tell it like it is.

The fuckboys act like they’re decent. The serious types act like they’re happily single. Before you know it, you’re three dates in and realise you’re after totally different things. Both of you end up disappointed and regretting the money you wasted on cocktails.

Piss Poor Personal Experience

Over and above all the other reasons? I’ve had a bloody shit-show of dates from Tinder.

If they’re not vastly shorter than they claimed, or venting about their ex, I just never seem to find them interesting. Not in an ‘I’m so great’ way, just ‘our personalities aren’t compatible’ kinda way.

I’ve had a dude tell me I should pay for both of our dinners because I work in advertising so I ‘must be rich’. Another of my dates told me he lived in a legal squat and didn’t have heating, as if I should be melting at his hipster credentials. One ordered gammon and asked me if it was fish as he was eating it. Oh yeah, let’s not forget about the gem that told me I looked like I was a bitch in school. What does that even mean?!

It’s enough to make you sew your bits together and call it a day, I tell ya.

So what is the solution”, I hear you horny young folk ask?

Well, soz if I’m sounding like someone’s mother here, but what happened to the days of meeting people socially?

Go on – tart yourself up, go out for some bevvies and start a conversation with someone at a bar. It’s fun, it’s spontaneous and more importantly, it’s real. You’re not meeting someone’s Valencia filter, or their smart-arse bio quip they spent too long writing.

Are you going to find what you’re looking on the first go? Doubt it. But I bet you won’t with your next ‘right swipe’ either.  

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Written by Lucy Harrison, 9 months ago