“Why I’ve stopped having one night stands”
I’d been dating my then boyfriend for only a few months. Things were great, he was great and there wasn’t a problem. We’d discussed him coming home with me to visit my family over Christmas as we didn’t want to be apart for too long and really, what better time to meet the folks than over a glass of mulled wine while it snowed outside?
Everything was going to plan. He was excited, I was excited, my mum was taking dinner requests and we had our hand luggage packed with presents.
Everything sounded perfect, romantic, and I couldn’t wait.
Then, mid-flight, when the seat belt light was turned off, I suddenly filled up with dread, regret and complete and utter disgust for the guy sitting beside me.
I began to panic, did I even like this guy? Was he even that nice? We’re we even compatible? I began to doubt whether or not bringing him home was such a good idea after all. I was beginning to doubt whether or not I actually even liked him. I was beginning to doubt everything.
We got into the car at the airport and suddenly his accent pained my ears like fingernails down a chalkboard. Did he always sound this obnoxious? Anytime he talked I cringed. I wanted to pull my ears off and even faked a headache, asking if everyone could be silent the rest of the car journey because the sound of his voice was utterly painful.
Back home it only got worse. My dogs wouldn’t stop barking at him and, well, if my fluffy best mate didn’t like him, he was obviously a horrible person. It was like some magic switch had been flipped. Suddenly, every single minor flaw this guy had rushed to the surface and was heightened by the fact he was an outsider in my home space.
His fussy eating habits insulted my mums good old fashioned cooking and my favourite childhood meals were ridiculed and criticised. My favourite cafes were, to him, over-rated or “tried too hard” and our quirky family traditions were ridiculed.
Taking this person out of my uni world and into the middle of my home was a massive wake up call. It made me realise how completely and utterly different we were as people. I couldn’t stand him, he was rude, disrespectful the fact he was a cat person had never bothered me until my gorgeous dogs had to be put outside to suit him better.
The more time we spent together in the comfort of my own home the more I realised we were never going to work out as a couple and I began to resent the guy I’d once been so fond of. I realised that for someone to be truly special, they need to understand and appreciate where I come from. They need to appreciate my families quirky traditions, try our local food without turning their nose up and to appreciate my culture and heritage without telling me it’s stupid. They have to try and get along with my siblings even if it’s awkward and for crying out loud, NOT ignore my cute dog when he wants you to throw a tennis ball.
Seeing someone in a different environment made me see them in a different light and it wasn’t a pretty one. Maybe I’d put too much pressure on myself bringing someone home for the first time but looking back, I’m glad I did it so early on as it allowed me to end the relationship before it progressed any further; saving myself a lot of wasted time and energy.
Having said this, I’d definitely recommend giving it more time before inviting your partner into your world at home. Whilst I’m glad I saw his true colours so early on, I’m sure this would have become more evident the longer we had been together and I wouldn’t have had to ruin my Christmas… or annoy my dogs.
Written by Jordan Taylor, 9 months ago
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